Eragon

Released: December 14
Rated: M
Director: Stefen Fangmeier
Screenwriters: Peter Buchman et al., from the novel by Christopher Paolini
Starring: Edward Speleers, Jeremy Irons, Sienna Guillory, John Malkovich, Rachel Weisz (voice), Djimon Hounsou
Running time: 103 long minutes

Plot: The land of Alagaësia is in the thrall of an evil king, Galbatorix (Malkovich). When a young farm-boy, Eragon (Speleers), discovers a dragon’s egg, he becomes a Dragon Rider — a hero who will lead a small group of rebels against the king and his right-hand man...er...Shade, Durza (Carlyle).

In the absence of other profitable fantasy franchises, some studio needed to step up this Christmas and cash in on the Da Vinci effect: a rule which states that (a) the popularity of a book bears no relation to its quality, and; (b) even an execrable book should be turned into a movie if there is a ready market of readers happy to hand over their hard-earned at the cinema. For Fox, Eragon was the perfect candidate.

Christopher Paolini began his novel when he was 15. At so tender an age, even a home-schooled youth cannot be expected to have travelled much in the realms of gold, and Paolini appears rather to have mined various veins of popular culture. Eragon’s plot and characters are highly derivative of the Star Wars franchise: Luke Skywalker, uncle Owen, Obi-Wan, Han, Vader, the Emperor, Jabba’s palace, and more are thinly disguised here. Further, geography and various names have been adapted from Tolkien, only without the don’s philological consistency.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with this in itself: Star Wars is itself derivative of Kurosawa, Leone, et al., and Tolkien borrowed from almost every European mythology. But Eragon fails to surpass or even properly to synthesize any of its source materials: it is merely cliché. Regrettably, the film seems only to exacerbate the novel’s shortcomings.

Fangmeier appears to have taken instruction from the Lucas school of direction: Speleers is woefully wooden, and even the quality, experienced actors deliver their lines like they’re on a high-school stage. They are hardly helped by risible lines like, “Is there anyone who trusts the word of a Shade?”, “I suffer without my stone,” and, “Yesterday you were a farm-boy; today you are a hero.” The unenviable task of providing exposition falls to Jeremy Irons, whose voice-over stoops to explain to us that “a boy went hunting”, even as on screen we watch a boy going hunting. Meanwhile, the telegraphed plot trundles along; characters appear and disappear without any explanation, but we’re never given any reason to care for them, anyway.

All the elements are here to have made a classy, tongue-in-cheek farce, in the vein of Starship Troopers: derivative plot, OTT costumes, painfully overblown score, silly names (I defy you not to laugh whenever somebody says ‘Galbatorix’). The book’s fans might not have noticed, and it would have been a lot more fun for the rest of us. Unfortunately, the tone remains far too earnest, so almost all the laughs are unintentional.

As for the effects, the battles are rather lame in light of recent offerings, but the dragon looks not too bad — at least when Eragon’s not riding her. If you need a dragon fix, though, you’d be better off re-watching The Return of the King, or even Reign of Fire.

Eragon certainly won’t scratch your holiday-fantasy itch. Indeed, it’s the kind of dodgy '80s-style snake-oil that saw fantasy banished from cinemas for such a long time.

Verdict: An extra star for the cute new-hatched dragon. Otherwise, there’s nothing here you haven’t seen done better before.