TMNT

Released: April 5, 2007
Rated: PG
Writer/Director: Kevin Munroe
Voices of: Chris Evans, Sarah-Michelle Gellar, Mako, Patrick Stewart, Zhang Ziyi
Running time: 87 minutes

Plot: An unspeakably convoluted set-up sees an immortal-warrior-turned-nabob Max Winters (Stewart) raise to life four petrified former generals whom he recruits along with the Foot Clan to capture thirteen monsters. Sending these beasts through an interdimensional portal will somehow save the world and restore Winters’ mortality, or something. Meanwhile, The Shredder’s defeat has left the Turtles directionless, and their familial bond is weakening, being particularly frayed by rivalry between Leonardo and Raphael.

It is almost inevitable that this film fall foul of the success of its pre- decessors. In the late 80s and early 90s, there was nothing more hip than a bunch of wise-cracking mutant anthro-turtles whose penchant for whooping bad-guy-ninja butt was exceeded only by their lust for pizza. Now irresponsible teenagers could be heroes too; their dorky cool (it was the 80s, people!) changed the way we spoke, the way we thought of authority figures, and the way we fought in the playground.

But the franchise that launched a million lunchboxes was really a product of its time, and TMNT doesn’t quite manage to translate the concept into the dark world of the noughties’ New York.

This is the Turtles’ first CG outing, and with the new technology has come a new look and feel. Winters and the Foot warriors are huge, flexible triangular shapes, as if pizza slices were the animators’ anatomical guide; April (Gellar) borrows a little too much from the later incarnations of Lara Croft. The Turtles themselves look and move more than ever like frogs, while their thirteen beastly nemeses resemble absurdly out-of-place rejects from Monsters, Inc. Against a distinctly un-comic-like cityscape, these characters form an uneasy pastiche that makes it difficult to believe in the remodelled Turtles universe. This is exacerbated by some terrible lip-synching and bored-sounding voice-work on April and Casey (Evans).

Nevertheless, the few times we see the Turtles in butt-kicking action, their movement is enjoyable and fluid enough. It still seems, however, that some opportunities for awesome set-pieces are missed, particularly as the film builds towards its climax. It feels like some violence has been excised to preserve a US PG rating. (One can only hope that the video game (for which the film might well be a long advertisement) allows for more bloodletting!)

More irritatingly, the film never ceases to flog the staples of American kid-flicks. At the movie’s heart is a sickeningly didactic refrain about the importance of family: Splinter (Mako) forbids the Turtles to fight the baddies until they have resolved the conflict between themselves; a showdown between Leo and Raph results in the former being captured and imprisoned. Obviously the remaining Turtles must band together to save him. Cue repentance, forgiveness, reconciliation, group high-fives, and schmaltz à gogo.

It is clear, therefore, that this is film is squarely aimed at children; it’s a shame there’s so little on offer for their parents. I’ve no doubt that kids will overlook the tortuous plot and the animation shortcomings, and that parents will be pestered to shell out for a fresh round of Turtles merchandise come the new school term. For mine, though, TMNT fails to recapture the original’s magic. Dare I say it? Oh, all right. “Cowabungle, dudes.”

Verdict: An overly clean and didactic take on the Turtles. If you have happy memories of the 80s series, it might be best to steer clear.